Am I A Terrible Person? Discovering What Was Buried Under All My Anxiety, Fear and Anger

My name is Deana Welch and seven years ago I didn’t know anything about energy, Reiki or crystals. I had heard mention of it (and it’s potential benefits) a few times but immediately judged and dismissed it. 

I thought people who did weird, woo-woo stuff like that were just really “out there” and I was scared of it. Which makes sense in a way because being scared of things we know nothing about is what kept us safe hundreds of years ago. Now, however, it just keeps us stuck and scared. 

If I could’ve looked past some of that fear that I felt toward “that energy stuff” and was able to get really honest with myself, I would’ve admitted that a part of me wanted to know more. Why else would I be so resistant, scared and freaked out? 

But back then, being scared and freaked out were my default emotions nearly all of the time. I was pretty miserable. 

I woke up each morning seriously wondering if I could make it through the day. I felt exhausted, heavy, guilty, overwhelmed, angry, sad and completely drained of energy. 

I was crabby and irritable, rushing from thing to thing all day long. My thoughts and words were harsh and unkind. Then, I’d feel guilty and ruminate about what I should’ve done or said differently. Why was I such a bad person? What was wrong with me?

Each evening, I’d throw myself in front of the TV and try to wind down with a few glasses of wine, but I could never seem to shut my thoughts off long enough to get a decent night’s sleep.

I worried non-stop. I felt stressed out and anxious. My body was always tense and my head and shoulders constantly ached. But mostly, I was sad and angry because I was afraid that I really was a “terrible person.” I sure felt like a terrible person and was afraid I often acted like one, too. 

What I really wanted was to be a good person. I knew deep in my heart that I was. But, I was so miserable I couldn’t be that good person because I felt buried under huge, heaping piles of anger, sadness and misery. 

What I didn’t realize then was that I really was buried under huge, heaping piles of anger, sadness and misery! I was buried in heavy energy and it felt awful.

The energy of sadness, anger, shame, guilt, fear and anxiety had been accumulating within and around me my whole life and I kept getting more and more of it each day. This toxic heap of icky energy kept getting bigger and bigger as I became miserable-er and miserable-er.

 

The Toxic Waste Land

What was this toxic heap that the good parts of myself were buried under? It was energy. Packages of energy to be exact. 

We learn in fourth grade science class, that everything that we can see and hear is made of energy. Our thoughts, experiences and emotions are made of energy, too. 

There’s good, high frequency energy that makes us feel happy, grateful and light. There’s not-so-good, low frequency energy that makes us feel not-so-good, anxious and heavy.

All day long we experience packages of good, high frequency energy like when we hug our children, see a beautiful sunset or laugh with friends.

We also experience packages of not-so-good, low frequency energy like when we get in a fight with our partner, take a call from a friend wanting to vent their frustrations or forget an important deadline at work.

If we have a larger accumulation of good, high frequency energy packages, we feel good. 

If we have a larger accumulation of not-so-good, low frequency energy packages, we feel not-so-good…or in many cases, downright miserable like I was.

I had a larger accumulation of the not-so-good stuff. I wasn’t a terrible person. I was a good person buried in terribly heavy, not-so-good packages of energy. When I walked into a room, these energy packages were what the world saw. When I looked in the mirror, these energy packages are what I saw. They were making me feel miserable on the inside, look miserable on the outside and making those around me feel miserable, too.

 

You Already Know A Lot About Energy

It’s true. Since energy makes up everything all around us, you actually know a lot about it. 

For example, you know when someone walks into the room and you get a “weird vibe” from them? Something you cant quite put your finger on? Those are their energy packages that you’re sensing. What about when your child tells you “I’m fine” but you have a sense that they aren’t fine. You are sensing their energy packages of sadness or fear.

Look at the animals of the world. They sense instinctively when storms are coming, perhaps by feeling the shift in the energy of the air. They can sense when the energy of danger is present and they go some place safe.

What about when you think of a friend or family member and they call a few minutes later or you get a gut feeling about something? That is energy, too. Because everything is made of energy, we can sense it. Some times, more strongly than others, but our ability to notice these things is always there.

We can notice the energy packages that we are carrying around based on how we feel. We can sense the energy packages that others are carrying around by the “vibe” we get from them.

 

Why Good People Do Bad Things

Each of us was born into this world to do something very important and very big. Your ‘big thing’ is a totally unique blend of your skills, gifts, talents, perspective and experience. I call that big thing our Soul Purpose. 

I have a big Soul Purpose that I came here to connect with and shine on the world. 

What I know for sure is that YOU have a big Soul Purpose, too. 

When I was born, I was an innocent child fully intending and able to grow into a “good person.” knew my Soul Purpose (as we all do when we are born) and was fully committed to shining it into this world. 

I remember laying in bed when I was 6 or 7 years old knowing that I was going to do something really important and create something that nobody else in the whole world had ever created. I didn’t have words for it then, but I knew that it was THE thing I came here to do. I was going to do it, no doubt about it.

The problem is that we are born into a world of emotion, pain and experiences that begin to distract us.

As I began growing up and experiencing sadness, loneliness, anger and trauma, my focus shifted from my divine assignment to the tricky matters at hand. This stuff felt scary, confusing and overwhelming. I even lost sight of my Soul Purpose altogether because the energy of the heavy experiences I encountered seemed too overwhelming to ignore. Each lonely, scary, mortifying and sad situation deposited energy packages into my system.  As the years went by, this heavy, low frequency energy weighed me down more and more. Sad, angry, lonely and anxious energy packages dominated my energy and attracted more of these similar experiences to me, so this became my normal day to day life.

Had I learned effective ways to release these heavy energy packages, the story could be different. Many of us don’t, so we carry it with us into adulthood. Even years later, the energy of experiences from the past often demand our attention. Have you ever noticed this?

Perhaps you’ve experience flashbacks, anger, grief or a heaviness from things that happened to you DECADES ago. It can randomly come up while you are driving or be triggered by a comment someone makes. You feel a flood of heavy emotion. Sometimes, you might even feel as though you are transported back to the past, remembering the same song, smell or situation just like it was happening all over again. 

Does it interfere with your ability and desire to enjoy life now? It did for me. 

When my sister joked about a sensitive topic from our childhood, I didn’t think it was funny at all, and I was furious that she still joked about it. Why? I was still carrying an energy package from that event and she would trigger the emotion it held. Then, I’d feel intense humiliation all over again.

Years after my daughter was born, I would have an anxiety attack every time I heard a baby cry. Why? I was carrying around big energy packages from the postpartum depression I had experienced. A crying baby would trigger the energy package and I’d feel a flood of anxiety, desperation, guilt and shame. My body would shake so intensely that I’d have to leave the room.

Even though the original experiences had happened many years before, they still had a hold on me energetically. I was still carrying the energy packages from those experiences around with me and they could be detonated without a moment’s notice, flooding me with intense emotions and often officially ruining my already not-so-great day. I was walking through my life, white-knuckled, trying to keep a lid on all of it so I looked like I had it altogether. 

The truth was, I was a mess. An energetic hot mess, to be exact. 

To make matters worse, I was unknowingly passing this icky energy onto my young daughter (as well as, everyone else around me). I thought I was protecting her from my icky emotions and thoughts, but I wasn’t. Kids are incredibly intuitive and she was picking up on it all. She was absorbing my heavy energy packages and I watched helplessly as she started to become miserable, just like me.

It freaked me out! I didn’t want that for her and I didn’t want that for me. I wanted to be happy so I set about finding happiness…for both of us.

I didn’t come here to be a terrible and miserable person. I also didn’t want to relive the worst experiences of my life over and over. I came here to do much more than that. I came here to be happy and free. I came here to create wonderful things that make me feel good. I came here to love the people in my life and shine the light of my Soul Purpose on the world.

I believe that you came here for the exact same reason. 

What I know now after all of my searching and discovering is that with a little bit of awareness about how energy and energy packages work, we can dramatically shift the energy from heavy to light. Doing this shifts how we feel and takes us from not-so-good to happy in a short amount of time.

 

How Good People Get Buried Under Bad Things

As human beings, we encounter all kinds of things and, truth be told, some of them are really hard to experience. Perhaps you:

  • lost someone you deeply loved and cared for. 
  • experienced sexual, emotional or physical trauma.
  • were bullied or had trouble making friends.
  • never experienced love from your caretakers or felt abandoned by them.
  • never fit in or felt like you were good enough.
  • watched your parents divorce.
  • were never allowed to be who you truly were or always felt misunderstood.

Each of these situations conjures deep human emotion such as fear, anger, sadness, guilt, shame and pride. The emotions are packages of energy that float around in our energy system. 

Our energy system is designed to expertly process these packages of energy (similar as to how our digestive system processes the food we eat). As it processes these packages of energy, it extracts the lessons, information and any positive, high frequency energy as it gets rid of the waste (the heavy, not-so-good, low frequency energy that makes us feel icky). 

But typically, somewhere along the line there’s a hiccup. Perhaps it’s a traumatizing experience that is simply too much to bear or the sheer volume of the low frequency energy packages we are holding on to that causes a glitch in the energy system. Whatever the cause may be, the natural flow of energy is drastically disrupted, blocked or otherwise impaired. The energy packages can’t be processed effectively through a damaged energy system.

Then, the heavy, low frequency energy packages begin to pile up in our energy system as we experience more and more energy packages coming at us each day. Unable to keep up, the energy packages begin condensing, becoming smaller (and also more concentrated) to make room for the new energy packages coming in. 

Over the years, this pattern continues as the energy packages condense further and further down into the cells of our body. This backlog of energy packages continues to bog down the energy system more which greatly affects the energy flow. 

New, clear energy is unable to come easily into the system due to the imbalance and misalignment and thus, the gunky, heavy, low frequency energy sits unable to process through the system. This not-so-good energy becomes stagnant and stuck, burying us in a huge, heaping pile of not-so-good energy…essentially poisoning us and making us miserable.

Think of a stagnant pond where the water never moves. It’s muddy, marshy and smelly. It’s not at all an inviting place to swim. That’s where I lived for nearly three decades. 

Now, imagine a clear brook. The water is flowing gently and smoothly bringing in fresh new water all the time. Wading in this feels refreshing and rejuvenating. This is where I reside now. 

Check in with yourself right now. Close your eyes. Does the energy of your body feel stuck and stagnant like the swampy pond or fresh, flowing and vibrant like the pristine brook? 

Check in with yourself right now. Close your eyes. 

Does the energy of your body feel stuck and stagnant like the swampy pond or fresh, flowing and vibrant like the pristine brook? 

If you feel like anything other than a pristine, babbling brook, the simple solution is to release the low frequency energy packages hanging out in your energy system. 

How can you do that? 

 

A Simple Solution: Activate the Power of Self-Healing

You probably do this without even realizing it by crying, yelling, throwing tantrums, working out, punching something, gossiping and venting to friends or meditating. 

These are fairly common ways to release energy, but they aren’t always harmless or effective. Becoming physically violent or verbally aggressivewhen an energy package is triggered doesn’t help you release energy packages. It actually gives you more energy packages of shame and guilt as people and property are damaged by your words and actions.

But because this is the way it’s always worked, many of us don’t realize yet that there is a much better way to release these energy packages. Not only did we not learn how to constructively release energy packages, many of us learned the exact opposite. 

If we were sad or mad about something as kids, we intuitively knew that holding that feeling in our body didn’t feel right so we’d try to release it. We’d throw a tantrum, cry or hit someone. Hearing words like, “suck it up!” “quit crying” and “what’s your problem? There is nothing wrong with you!” taught many of us to take those energy packages and suppress them because trying to release them in the only way we knew how meant that we got in trouble and got MORE energy packages (usually in the form of being spanked or yelled at). 

Check in with yourself. Do you remember getting any of these messages?

Finding simple and healthy ways to release these not-so-good, low frequency energy packages is a very important step toward happiness. 

It’s time to be free from all of the heavy energy making us miserable. When we make a conscious choice to free ourselves from these heavy energy packages, we create space within us allowing us to more easily connect with peace and joy. 

Are you ready to release the heavy energy packages you’ve been carrying around? 

What would it take to be free from those heavy energy packages?

 

Activity: A Simple Way to Release Energy Packages

Energy responds very well to intention and imagery. When releasing energy in this activity, we will be using these two things.

  1. Find a comfortable place free from distractions. 
  2. Close your eyes and put your hand on your heart.
  3. Take three deep breaths and connect into the energy of your heart. Feel the goodness that lives there. This is your true essence (no matter how deeply buried it seems).
  4. Connect to the light, whatever that is to you. It could be God, Higher Power, white light or something else…whatever the word you choose for it, it’s all the same thing. Let it wash over you either by envisioning it or setting the intention that it happens.
  5. Ask yourself what you would most like to release. Can you see it or feel it? Where does it live in your body? Does it have a color or a shape?
  6. Allow your body to take up space. You can do this by planting your feet on the floor, moving your shoulders up, back and down, lifting your chin up and spreading your arms out.
  7. State the intention: I am ready to release __________ for my Highest Good. You can say this aloud or to yourself.
  8. Let’s release it! You can do that one of two ways: 
    • If you are good at visualizing, envision it being dissolved or transformed in whatever way feels right. The sky is the limit here! You can envision it being vacuumed out, put in a bubble and tossed out, smashed to dust with a sledgehammer, popped in a washing machine and cleansed completely or anything else! The point is to let it go and envision it disappearing.
    • If you prefer using words, notice where the energy package is and FEEL it without judgement. As you do so, ask that it be removed for your Highest Good and trust that it is.
  9. Breathe, shake out your shoulders and neck and know that the energy package has been released!

 

CONGRATULATIONS! 

You have just activated the power of self healing and released a heavy, low frequency energy package on your own! 

Not only is this a first step in your journey back to yourself, it is also a very powerful tool that you can use multiple times each day. 

If you’re feeling crummy, it is most likely due to an active energy package coming up to be released. Use this activity to release it.

Stick with it and stay at it. Remember, it took you a life time to accumulate and store thousands upon thousands of energy packages. It’s going to take some time and consistency to release them so better things and feelings start to show up in your experience.

 

Next Steps: 

Love this activity and want an easy way to practice it?

The exact steps for this activity are captured for you in a handy Energy Guide. You can get it here. It's free.

Ready to finally be free from those heavy, miserable energy packages?

If you’re finding that you are buried under a huge, heaping pile of low frequency energy packages and would like some help with the energetic heavy lifting or want to feel better faster, join the Power Hour. This is a monthly online group call with Deana where she uses her energy expertise to help you release massive amounts of low frequency energy packages to create room for the good energy to flow in. She also shows you advanced energy techniques to use yourself in between calls. You can learn more about Power Hour here.

Want to teach your kids how to release their own energy packages so they feel happier, too?

Just Like Magic is a digital course where Deana and her 7-year-old daughter, Emma, demonstrate four simple energy activities ANYONE can do to feel better and have more fun. Emma walks you through the steps and candidly shares her opinion on all of it. You can learn more about it here.